Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Beyond the Textbook Answer

A Deeper Dive into Loving

The weight of trying to understand sometimes has to be lifted an ounce at a time.  Yesterday I gave a "textbook" answer to a huge question:  How does one "stand out" as a husband?

"By learning you will teach, by teaching you will learn."  - Latin Proverb

As I learn each step, I have also been faced with an even more enormous question: "Why?"
  • Why have I not been loving or trusting?  
This is an incredibly difficult question to be faced with.  So, starting with "Loving" I tried to learn what was missing, so I could become "stand out".  The definition of Love is broken into two pieces (then into 4):

Compassion:  Empathy / Sympathy
Lovingness: Affection / Passion

If any of these pieces are not present, Love will in turn suffer.  Take for example a job.  This job could evoke your compassionate side, as well as your affectionate self.  However, if your job lacks your passion, or does not instill passion within you, the job is not something you love.  

A marriage, which is a continual bond with your partner, requires all 4 elements to be present to employ the full presence of love.  The presence of all 4 pieces of love depicts the "stand out" husband.

For me personally, I answer my "Why?" question looking at the four pieces.  I, for many reasons, lack empathy.  Without this crucial piece, I can not Love fully.  Unfortunately there is not a way to "Get Empathy In 5 Easy Steps!", as it is a trait instilled through years of personal experiences and behaviors one is surrounded with.

These pieces of Love are extremely difficult to train into your soul.  A husband that knows his faults and then makes the decision to change them becomes a "stand out" husband.

I have made it a very formidable commitment to place myself in my wife's shoes, and comment to her about her unique situations.


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